How to Be Wretched

The powerful and redemptive story of a woman’s journey to understand her profound grief and the science that helped her to overcome it

During her late teens and twenties, Jillian Dunham lost everyone in her immediate family: her grandfather, both grandmothers, her father, and her mother, to whom she was closest. She tried to process these losses, but rather than “moving on,” Dunham found herself mired in feelings that she could neither control nor escape.

Once she realized that traditional approaches weren’t helping, Dunham turned to her skills as a journalist. She began to explore what scientists are learning about deep grief and what is now called “prolonged grief disorder”—grief that persists for more than a year. She learned how grief rewires our brains, how it changes the hormones in our bodies, and even the way our immune system functions. These insights prompted her to see her own grief differently and to seek a new way forward.

How to Be Wretched is the story of one woman’s transformative struggle to move beyond her own debilitating grief. Combining memoir and reportage and drawing from a wide range of sources—from the writings of Seneca to cutting-edge neuroscience—it is both an eye-opening journey and a compelling story.