The Secret Life of Your Third-Grade Teacher

A candid, poignant, and downright hilarious memoir about dating, body image, and learning to love yourself when you’re the one always teaching others to do the same, from a two-time winner of the Moth GrandSLAM storytelling competition.

Micaela Blei probably wouldn’t use the word “wallflower” to describe herself. For most of her life, in fact, she felt as far from a “flower” as possible. But after several years of self-doubt around her body and dating—beginning in high school and going well into her 30s—she decided to do something about this. Enter “The Divine Feminine”—a course on female self-actualization to which a friend took her, and which would transform her life for the better.

Through engaging with fundamental questions about dating and her life—Why does she pick the wrong guys? Why can’t she be more in tune with her body? And what the hell is the Divine Feminine, anyway?—Micaela manages to take the verve, creativity, and wit that she had used in her role as an elementary school teacher and educator across all age groups and forge a new path for herself, one in which doubt is a thing of the past and her own indelible voice can resonate more strongly than ever before.

Be prepared to laugh, cringe, and cry as you read this deeply moving memoir of a young woman's attempt to navigate romance. This isn’t your textbook “empowerment” or “self-love” narrative. The lessons here are unexpected, bittersweet, acutely self-aware—and funny AF.